Ways married couples can arouse each other’s desire

Funmi Akingbade

One of the major regular complaints of many married spouses is the fact that either they no longer enjoy their spouse as they should or they noticed their spouses are not as interested in sex as they used to. Or one thing or the other has crept into their relationship and the sexual desire has flown out of the window.  In today’s article and the weeks following, we shall be looking at some neglected ways each spouse can get his or her partner aroused and bring back the old flame.

One of the best ways spouses can get  each other aroused,  stay aroused and always look forward to the next time of sex is to help each other achieve a good orgasm. In 1953, a well-known therapist defined orgasm as “an explosive discharge of neuromuscular tension.” Although, there are other definitions, most of the time, the word, ‘tension’ is recurrent. This suggests that sexual intercourse is a normal activity between couples, which they engage in for utmost satisfaction.

But beyond this, a lot of incredible things happen in the human body. For a man or woman to experience a sizzling and burning orgasm, the heart pumps faster while the individual breathes heavily to fuel the muscles. Then, hormones such as endorphins and oxytocin send instant messages about this sexual activity to our brains and other sensitive parts of our bodies. In a jiffy, blood is pumped into our genital regions to create the tension that ultimately triggers a pudenda reflex (this is a muscular spasm of the genitals). The immediate reflex results in our pelvic-floor muscles, contracting between five and 15 times at 0.8-second intervals. This is the wonder of the orgasm that we experience!

Sexual therapists have made it clear that orgasm experience helps to burn out some amount of fat around the heart tissues and neural pathways in the spine.

This explosive discharge of a neuromuscular tension is not only peculiar to the male gender, as it is also present in the female gender. The most prominent and sensitive female organ that could trigger orgasm anytime there is sexual activity is the clitoris. This organ is about two inches above the vaginal opening, located in front and above the opening of the urethra (urine outlet).

It is the most sexually sensitive part of the female reproductive organ; it becomes slightly enlarged and erect in response to sexual stimulation. This is called the female ‘sexual trigger.”

Most married women do not experience orgasm because their husbands hardly take quality time to lovingly and gently caress this organ during foreplay. Sufficient stimulation of this organ during foreplay produces the orgasm experience in nearly all women.

However, it should be noted that this must be done with utmost care, as many husbands had, in the course of caressing the clitoris, inflicted untold pains on their wives. What is expected of such husbands is merely a feather touch caressing, or better still, using their tongue or hands to stimulate the organ, which produces orgasm within a twinkle of an eye. Unfortunately, in most parts of the African continent, this wonderful structure is usually removed or mutilated during female circumcision. The question remains; why are some women finding it difficult to experience orgasm?

The answers are not far fetched. Apart from the fact that the organ had been mutilated, some husbands are not doing justice to it during foreplay or penetrative sex.

Many married women are eager to know the best and easiest way to reach orgasm. A particular wife told me in confidence that her family doctor advised her to engage in more orgasm-oriented sex so that she could handle the medical challenge she has been battling with. She said the doctor told her that regular sex was vital to maintaining high oestrogen level in women, which invariably helps to maintain bone and cardiovascular health.

Two … As it is widely known, sex has many advantages. But regular orgasmic sex has much more. Not only does it help one’s confidence, self-esteem, vitality, strength and energy, it also has concrete health benefits. On the other hand, regular sex without orgasm, especially for a woman, may leave her unsatisfied and disinterested in sex. In fact, the reason why some women are so disinterested in sex is because they have not experienced the blissful release that comes with orgasm.

A resident of Ajah who was one of the respondents to a questionnaire stated, “More than anything, I love to make sure that my wife achieves orgasm every time. If I do not see or hear her scream and pant wildly, then, I do not feel I am a good lover.”

Another man from Abia said, “The sexiest thing my wife does is that she tells me what she likes in bed. While I usually reach orgasm in a matter of minutes, it could take her 20 minutes to get there.” He went further to describe his wife as a star athlete in bed.

Mrs. E.V from Ikeja also said she experiences orgasm when she meets her husband in unusual places in the house. “And whenever this is going on, I whisper romantic things into his ears that leaves me gasping for breath within the twinkle of an eye. I do not like the idea of going straight for my clitoris. I usually make this his last resort.”

Mrs. M.R of Sango said varying positions helps her to achieve orgasm.

Three … A woman must understand her body and also pay attention to what both her body and mind say before and during intercourse. Women need to know the areas of their bodies that could cause a spark of raw fire. Some of the better-known spots include the G-zone, the inner part of the thighs, the nape of the neck, the nipples and other places that each individual woman has discovered. It is important that a wife guides and directs her husband to the parts of her body that gives her maximum pleasure. This is good for building up tempo and achieving climax.

For some, creating a special environment can do the magic. For others, it could be candlelight and soft music. So, figure out the kind of atmosphere that works for you. Enlist the cooperation of your husband to set the tune.

Talk about past thrilling experiences to heighten your state of arousal; fantasise about what you and your husband will be doing later that evening; visualise every hot detail and make your whole being respond to his stimulations more quickly.

It is obvious that a lady who had undergone female genital mutilation would find it difficult to experience orgasm easily, depending on the degree of the clitoral cut. This category of ladies needs special attention and extensive love play. Husbands are advised to be gentler, caring and loving as explained earlier in this article. Besides, husbands are also advised to have an outstanding knowledge of this operation and know what to do whenever the need arises.

Basically, female genital mutilation entails the removal of the vulva of a woman, either in part or whole. This is done to reduce female libido and prevent promiscuity. This minor operation varies from the removal of the structure that covers and protects the clitoris and part of the labia minor, to the total removal of the clitoris and the labia minor. The labia major is then stitched together locally, leaving a tiny opening for the flow of menstrual blood and urine. Wives that had previously undergone this type of local operation at any level will definitely have painful sex and difficulty during labour and childbirth. Most times, this category of ladies develops laceration of the uterus during childbirth which may take time to heal, thus making resumption of sex between the couple difficult. In spite of this minor operation, the clitoris and G-spot can heighten sexual pleasure. So, where the clitoris has been removed for one reason or the other, a wife could assist her husband to locate her G-spot area along the front wall of her vagina. The quickest way to experience quick orgasm is to stimulate these two areas with some strategic positioning. One last word, frequent orgasm + healthy sex = medical fitness. Try it

Four … Sex remains a potent tool to forge lasting relationships among couples and a good sex life, no doubt, will certainly help prepare couples to face challenges in other areas of their relationship.  For those couples, whose sex lives have taken a dip, arousing each other has proven to be a good solution, presenting another opportunity to rediscover the magic that once kept your hearts fluttering with joy. The joyful news is that great sex is still attainable, as always, so read on.

One of the ways you arouse each other is in the look you give one another. This is because glances could generate an exchange of sexual energy. Dressing seductively could eventually get your husband fired up sexually, even though he would pretend initially not to notice.

Any woman that is serious about winning the attention of her husband ought to keep a sexy kit handy and make sure that all the items are available anytime, anywhere and at strategic points in the car, kitchen, and bedsides.

Five … Most men are frequently under sexual pressure and an average man thinks about sex at least five times in a day.

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