Dangers of sending nude pictures to a lover

By Fola Afolayan

Why send nudes? While I have asked this question some time ago, I haven’t pondered so much on it like I have these past few days.

It’s very easy to hear ‘nude pictures’ and our minds quickly go to slut shaming the woman involved. I believe it’s time we ask WHY?  Why do females send photos of themselves unclothed to their boyfriends, boyfriend hopefuls or even husbands? (Yes! Husbands get nudes from their wives too!

Every woman wants to feel desired. As a woman I must admit that there’s a certain heady feeling that comes from the knowledge that your man finds you sexually attractive.

The height of sexual confidence for today’s woman is being able to acknowledge her sexuality and take pride in her body. Contrary to popular opinion, men are not the only ones who enjoy receiving nudes. The women who send them, enjoy sending them too.

Women are just as sexual as men and we are advancing more in more into a society that encourages a woman to be more comfortable in her skin. As a result, women are doing just that.

Pop culture has also made nudes quite the norm if not universally acceptable. ‘tasteful nude portraits’ by celebrities on the front cover of magazines, and maternity nudes have done an interesting job of numbing public sensitivities to images of unclad women.

Unfortunately, the sexual revolution or liberation of women in a society that is largely cultural, patriarchal, quick to slut-shame and body shame, sending nudes is not a very great idea.

As a Christian woman, I am expected to rant and rave about how immoral or ungodly this is and quote scriptures but I have decided not to. Why? Because your pastor’s wife is already doing a good job of that; Thank you very much.

However, I will say that I do not believe that taking and sending a nude photo is the only way to own your sexuality or even promising your man a treat (if that is what you’re going for).  There are so many good reasons not to send sexually explicit photos. Blackmail, Social Media, Longevity are some pretty solid reasons not to.

I know as women, too many times than its good for us, we get carried away by our feelings and emotions and it can be quite difficult to override common sense. But we need to calmly think this through. Most relationships end on a sour note. How many Exes will you leave your nudes with? How many can you really trust not to be vindictive or just downright creepy?

I have an Ex who tells anybody who cares to listen about how he used to be my boyfriend. One random day (5 years after we dated) he sent me a picture of myself in the studio during NYSC! It gave me the creeps. (Imagine if…..!)

Have I ever been asked to send a nude? Yes. (By one idiot Nigerian singer I was friends with). Did I? Hell No!

I am honestly not going to tell you what to do or not do with your photos. But i’m going to say this quite clearly; if you’re going to send your man a nude, please be aware that the society we live in has no sympathy for us and the earlier we realize that the better.

You don’t need to be sending unsolicited nudes either. Love your body and respect it enough not to peddle it through cheap cellphone selfies.

Honestly, I do not think being in love is good enough reason to ask for your nude photo. But for whatever reason if you do share private photos, be aware of the risks and be prepared for eventualities. And then question the motives and question your willingness to take responsibility for the consequences.

You don’t need to send anyone your nudes to prove anything. You’re a queen.




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