Many people are too blinded by love to realise that their latest squeeze is a terrible individual.
Here are 12 determinants to assure you that it’s time to drop him/her like hot potato:
• S/he doesn’t treat your body with respect. If your partner is fond of making mean comments about your body — whether you’re dressed or naked — know that it’s time to move on.
• It’s all me, me, me. Are you actually enjoying the sex? Are you sufficiently ‘warmed up’ before the deed is done? Does it feel like you’re just a faceless tool in his sex-box? Granted, sometimes we all like to lie back and receive pleasure – but every time? No sir’ee. Good loving is all about mutual enjoyment and mutual effort. If you’re sleeping with someone who is clearly only thinking about him/herself, it’s time to find a lover who takes pleasure in your pleasure.
• Lack of respect. There’s nothing that sucks the fun out of sexy time quite like sleeping with someone who has no respect for you or your boundaries. Mutual respect should be present in and out of the bedroom. S/he should value your time, your opinion, and especially what you say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to. If your bedmate doesn’t respect you, don’t waste precious time and energy trying to prove to them all the reasons why they should.
• They trash talk ex-partners. It’s one thing to bad mouth your ex to your mates over many pints of wine – it’s another thing entirely to slag off ex-partners to the person you’re currently diddling. If your partner badmouths his/her ex, s/he’ll do the same about you one day. Learn!
• Refusal to wear a condom. Men love to give excuses when it comes to condom use. ‘It doesn’t feel as good.’ ‘I can’t do it with a Johnny on.’ Well, nothing is worth being put at risk of STDs or pregnancy, and if they’re cool to expose you (and themselves) to that, it’s time to say bye-bye. If your bed partner shudders at communicating about sexual safety, back away slowly and go find someone capable of interacting like an adult.
• They’re selfish. Selfishness is an abhorrent characteristic. If the person you’re shagging constantly puts their needs before yours and seems hell bent on milking everything they can out of each of your encounters, they’re never going to make you feel anything other than unloved and under-appreciated. A good person wants to do things for the person they are with – not just greedily lap up all the love and affection you give them. Beware of those that suck you dry. Rather, seek someone that wants to give back.
• They’re easily offended. If someone makes you feel bad about something you can’t control – chances are they’re a rotten egg. Drop a couple of human stink bombs and exit their bedroom quick smart.
• You feel degraded. Many enjoy a playful spank or a consensual spot of throat grabbing when the moment takes you, but anything that leaves you feeling degraded is a firm No-No. Violence, name calling, humiliation. Do not stand for it. Any action that leaves you feeling degraded, that you didn’t explicitly ask for or agree to, should be taken as a huge call to flee the scene as fast as your legs can carry you.
• Zero affection. Sure, some of the best sex is animalistic, but if the person you’re sleeping with refuses to shows you any affection, chances are s/he is a loser. Sex is the most intimate thing you can do. If you’re left feeling starved of affection, or like you’ve been used – listen to your instincts. They rarely lie. If the person you’re getting naked with doesn’t want to be sweet to you and make sure you’re having a nice time – ask yourself what are you really doing this for?
• Hit it and quit it. If your lover is all ‘wham, bam, see ya later,’ and that’s an arrangement that leaves you feeling bummed out, it’s high time you called it off. Sex should make you feel on top of the world. Not as though you’ve been used and dismissed.
• They lie to you. Are you being lied to? If the person you’re sleeping with has no qualms with looking into your eyes and telling you a barefaced lie, you need to brush aside this bad human immediately. People who lie are the worst. If someone lies once, they will lie again. Don’t expose yourself to a life full of uncertainty, worry and wondering – it’ll eat you up inside.
• Manipulation. The problem with masters of manipulation is that they’re hard to spot. Warning signs include guilt-trips, assumptions about you and what you’re up-for, and telling you ex-partners used to willingly do what they’re asking of you. If someone’s doing their best to make you feel as though you owe them something, we suggest you stop sharing your bed with them immediately.